Monday, August 1, 2011

Theres something sweet about the south, yet my toungue is sour.

Charlotte North Carolina.



 Is nothing like Philadelphia and nowhere near close to New Jersey. Yet there are some times and places that make me feel content in the absurd new weather and the charm of the southern hospitality.
No one could ever deny how unique and awesome New Jersey is but noone ever said its a hazard for your health to stay in one place forever.

This is my first time I am exposing myself to new possibilities with no limits. Everything is like quicksand that is slowly growing to mold me into someting I am not quite certain what that is. I have met many random souls and many crazy creatures in this city. But its not home. home is a state of mind and I am lost. But okay

All things are possible..so you should dwell in the possibilities

The sun is kissing the earth.

Nature is singing a LoveLy Tune.
Birds and Bugs break the silence after the business of the day..

New faces were placed in new minds.
New plataues, new destinations are to be expected.
And some that can't be left behind.


John Lennon was quoted to say "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." If that is the case, then why do we waste so much time planning for the unexpected, the future, the ups and downs. Why do we forget to enjoy the time we waste enjoying the minor moments that we will be surely saddened when it is all said and done.


 

Saturday, April 30, 2011

can a butterfly be beautiful with broken wings?

Its very frightening to know that you mean the world to someone else. And that miles away there is a secret you keep that noone will ever know. And the one moment you believed loved could truly be real, you simply are stuck with a realization that everything beautiful is always, always broken. And in some twisted, comforting way, thats how it should be.




Friday, April 22, 2011

lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking off her clotes, but its better if you do.

why worry about yesterday wen you look fabulous today?










betty boop knew how to have a good time and always got whact she wanted. It would be amazing if someone can just draw the next scene of my life and throw me in the landscape with  cute red dress.
I'd be one bad ass cartoon bitch

This city is for strangers, just llike te star is for the skies

Do you heart that, can you feel your heart trembling?
Regal hues ascending as the leaves fold on the ground.
The snow is melted away. The stars are ready for departure, signifying the morrow sky's beauty.
The time that is possessed is merely borrowed.
So with a miniscule moment, Smile Steady.

Inhale the intense, intoxicating atmosphere

Time is ever fleeting. Embrace, Indulge, Enjoy.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Nothing dies. it hides under covers until you close your eyes

always remember to have a cup a tea. always read expand your mind. if smoking calms you down so be it. and always sit in some solitude to figure out whats stirring in that mind of yours. Its a new day soon. but live in the moment don't cling to a thing is when you can be happy. Don't try and look in the mirror. cause when you look back at the reflection you might be scared what you see. you make think too much. get too down on yourself. how can you forgive yourself for what you have done to yourself or maybe others if you keep reminding yourself every moment of the day how horrible you are.

Or maybe you start your day with a hot cup of Joe. Maybe you prefer the light cream sugar in your cup. Maybe you are gentle like a lamb in March. Maybe you enjoy an iced latte, with the foam and an extra shot to give yourself that extra edge before starting the chaos of another day.. Either way we all enjoy different things in life and worry more than we let others know

She suddenly ran into the bathroom. She washed the distress and anxiety off her face. With hear attempts fof findin comfort and sollitude she mumbles to herself in a worrisome tone..

"i cant trust cause once i turn my back the knife will be thrown directly in my spine. directly though my heart. my blood and my wounds will be visible for all to point and laugh. the joke will be on me. my soul cannot dance to the rythm i play in my head for anyone to see. for noone can quite see what i do. and what if they do? they will steal my thunder, steal my soul and ill be left with nothing, a loser without control"

The metal faucet pours out hot water to numb and hurt her all at once. She could not remove her skin. What's inside is hurting her even on the outside. She could have swore things were going her way. She thought noone can push her off cloud now. Now she is only wondering who is on the clouds. She is only dreaming about fastfowarding life to quickly get it all over with. But then she batteles with herself should she figure a way to rewind and freeze a moment so she can be content forever.

She gathers the tools that can tranform her from looking horrible into being a hot mess.
The blow dryer gives her that shine and deceives everyone from knowing she slept almost a whole day.
Blush and mascara will do for now. She knows better to use eyeliner. She not good with waterproof makeup.

She not very good with goodbyes.



Oh wheres that magical moment?

Have I missed my shooting star?

Am I being too much of a wishful thinker, is the glass half full?

Or should I let go and let the feelings die?
Should I hold whats left of this glass up high?

Ambitious or crazy how about you tell me.
Sunshine breaks through the sky and for a moment im free.

There has been a rupture inside me,
theres temptation in my heart.

Theres a splunder that keeps me captivated and hungry throughout the night.
I cant satisfy my appetite although I try with all my might.

I'm only asking for a new rhythm a different beat I aiming for.
Maybe a melody something different than ever before.
Im tired of the same refraim give me something to start a new encore.
Something thats beautiful, something sweet something you can adore.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

And so it goes..

And so it goes...the infamous words in one of Kurt Vonegut's classic novels of black comedy of war.

And so it goes.. A woman who left her family in Pennsylvania, to work hard for her family who was struggling to mainatin middle class. So it goes a woman turned down many men who loved her body and her strong attitude to ever say no.
But there it went. A woman who was so bold and strong lost all her ability to be strong and allowed this blue eyed german to hold her hand.
There it went, she disobeyed her parents and married a man who her mother did not find suiting, noone is ever good enough for her baby, But she was twenty six, she was no baby.
So there they were, four beautiful sons. 85 wonderful beautiful years she enjoyed seeing their faces.
85 years she saw her sons get married and have beautiful kids of their own.
So there it goes, a woman who has left us with such a strong lasting memory that I cherish in every moment.

So there it goes and there she went.




Oh Lena, I hope you know how breathetaking you were. And how unforgettable your laugh is, I still hear it to this day









Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I could never write a love song.

Through the dirty windshield the world stands still.


All the cars are tucked in for the night. Though

The music keeps playing their hearts still beat faster than the rhythm.



And the moonlight pours in, illuminating the glass almost seeping the light inside, giving

him a chance to see her shine even when she's in the dark. When she thinks no one can see her.



..But the moonlight deceives her. The spot light is on the passenger seat. She takes direction without knowing the destination. She cares more about the ride. She focuses on the sky and gets lost inside her thoughts, hoping they can jump out the window and fly away with the wind, leaving them a mystery, and out of her desolate prison that's really a party that's never yet happened.

She's been the life of the party but she's never invited anyone to her party, in fear she'll be swimming in the drunken night alone.



She sinks back in the seat. Her feet come down from the sky,breathing in the confusion. She feels everything tonight.So the world just freezes, she can feel nothing at the same time. Her body just got heated up but she feels a cold front coming on.



Suddenly in that defining minute or so, in the moment they didn't realize they were having, they; they both got lost in the mystery



The song changes right after a car passes by. He takes a another look at her, but she knows better this time. She wont let him see her eyes.



And yet still he stole a gaze once more, leaving her only to smirk differently than before.



The sound's settling, and her thoughts were getting silent. She's not ready to go home

She wants to dace in the moonlight. She's feeling restless and he's feeling rough.

The night gives them an opportunity to try and find their destination.



For once she sighs with relief, comfortable feeling of intensity and awkward has never felt this disturbingly sweet.



The engine starts, the nights ow morning yet they ignore the time. What only matters now is if he makes a left or a right.



"which way is best you tell me you pick anywhere you wanna go".



The volume is silenced waiting at the stoplight; they enjoy putting the world on pause.



Fiddling with her locks of hair as if she will figure out the answer in a single strand. Almost whispering she says "right!"..but abruptly after she shouts changing her mind"left!"



Speeding away into the road, the rhythm continues to seep inside their emotions. The words they're sharing make up for the miles they are driving.



He's a bit reckless, speeding without a care. He's a bit crazy; He treats life like a dare.

while,

She's a bit crazy, she rolls the window down; She wants to feel free.



He takes the seat belt off ignoring another law. His attention should be onn the road, but he can not get over what he saw..

She lets the window kiss her face and rearrange her hair. She noticing him staring and tried to ignore the tense feelings in the sensual air.



They come up to a familiar stoplight. He notices the shimmer in her eye alog with the water swelling inside. He gently asks whats wrong?

..She simply replies with lies saying she fine a jerks a smile.



Maybe he was able to hear in her voice she wanted to shout her words onto paper so he can make sense of her nonsense or pour them into a cup so he can drink them all up.



She's been in many cars and had many reckless nights. But she's trying to break-free and just feel alright.



The time races away the tires spin madly on. He's living for every moment, she can't help but feel wrong.



But there's been a ruckus between them, they stirred up some commotion for quite a while.

She left her mess she made miles away. It took him a bit longer but he found his way.



She can't let go in the moonlight; He just wants to do what feels right.

She wants to figure out whats right she a crazy child who is always wrong.

His attempt to compliment her beauty fails him right away.



She replies "I'd love to drink up your easy words, but foolish I cannot be"



He parks the car and holds her tight. He's hoping she'll give in eve she's hoping she might.



Yet she knows someone can kiss you so softly, so sweet and whisper gently "your beautiful",

without meaning a thing.



But his words were gentle and his eyes were soft mad the wrong in her face fade away.

They have causes ruckus. Reckless but innocent; they didn't commit any crimes.



Driving away he dares her to let go and let everything in. He lets go of the wheel, his hands soarig above his head.



She almost worried but he made her feel more alive than dead.

She decided to forget the fear. Forget that temptation brought it this far.

"How much more of this can I take?".



"Forget the rules. forget whats fake.

Only hold onto the rhythm and the

beauty that you create"




To each his own..



to each new sunrise. to each new failure comes a new begining a new end. a new form of faith in humanity that we lost from the year before. dry your eyes and dance. i know sometimes i can be "melodramatic" or down right crazy but just sometimes chill out and let things fall into place.  I want to be possesed with an inner and outer beauty and give it to the rest of the world. Its cliche but we all want to make the world a brighter better place. We want to give love and feel love. So why not start by letting it in and absorbing knowledge all around us. accept criticism for it makes us stronger. Dont cripple yourself, but make yourself stronger. There are many things I dont do right. But there are also many things I do wonderfully. Look at the good and the bad for what it is not for what its not. Why cant I always say the right things when the time comes. Its funny how we have to take a step back after the damage we have left to realize what good we bring to a certain piece of life.



I like to think of myself as a dessert that everyone wants and will even take two slices of. The entre and appetizer is fully never appreciated without the bittersweet ending to the meal that always leaves you wanting more.





What frightens me is that the dessert is always the last thing you taste and the most fullfilling. It lingers in you and you sometimes regret enjoying every bite and yet you savor it even more. Im afraid Im just a good piece of cake that can only be enjoyed every so often because its too sweet that it can be a comfortable jello enjoyed with every meal. I wonder if that makes sense to anyone but my freakish self.

I dont just know what its all about-

Oh wheres that magical moment?




Have I missed my shooting star?



Am I being too much of a wishful thinker, is the glass half full?



Or should I let go and let the feelings die?

Should I hold whats left of this glass up high?



Ambitious or crazy how about you tell me.

Sunshine breaks through the sky and for a moment im free.



There has been a rupture inside me,

theres temptation in my heart.



Theres a splunder that keeps me captivated and hungry throughout the night.

I cant satisfy my appetite although I try with all my might.



I'm only asking for a new rhythm a different beat I aiming for.

Maybe a melody something different than ever before.

Im tired of the same refraim give me something to start a new encore.

Something thats beautiful, something sweet something you can adore.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

In all this uncertainties and blunders I can only see a blur of reality

There becomes a point in everyone life where they feel they are at the climax of their world. Where they can grow or remain the same fragile flower, The same fragile state that can keep them content and consistent.

Fortuntately, my life contains ups and downs, hills, plataues, rivers, oceans, lakes and craters. Life should be envisioned as a landscape that will be ever changing allong with the weather. The trees and the leaves will changes as the wrinkles in my face. The tender touch of another will always be constantly changing. I have no consistancy besides the consistant change of undescribable emotions that burts out at any moment.

I'll never be a lone but I may always be lonely.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Although it looks like a winter wonderland outside. Although the snow makes everything look pure, pretty, and gentle, the weather is treacherous. The feelings inside me is hotter than a volcano. And despite the freezing temperature outside, my body is on fire and i do not know how to put myself out.